No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
