My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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