i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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