i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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