i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
