omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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