i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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