Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
