1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
there is glitter all over my balls
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