Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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