Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you would pick up someone in the library
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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