have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
