I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.