even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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