mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
