Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
