Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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