Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
