When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
