I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
