She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
