wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
