How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she peed on how many people?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
