You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
