Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize