I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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