I'm lost and stupid without you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
