Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
