Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
