You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
