Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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