He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
