That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize