It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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