U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
