i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
