I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
