You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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