chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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