I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize