Pregnant stripper...not hot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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