Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
