May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry about my life...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
