Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
