I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
