Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
