I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
