i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
