i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
