his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
