Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
