You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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