Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
