i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
