god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
