shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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