You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
