He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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