I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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