I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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