Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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