I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
