i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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