I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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