I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
