i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
