wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
