Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
