i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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